Being Weak and Knowing it...

.. makes You a tiny bit stronger.

sometimes however it is not enough. Living through life people do and remember various things.

But what if there is nothing to remember.. or You don't want to remember?

there was a time when I wanted to remember and when I understood that I needed to forget.

I did forget, but my Psyche got weakened.

Now I smile. I am able to smile through most of the time. But it cost me a lot, and I'm still working on it bloody hard. I'm aware of the condition of my emotional shape so I will not allow anybody to invade my space and force me to choose from options meaning nothing good for me..

this week is just too wicked. I am not going to take responsibility for somebody's ..ucked up decisions. 

I might be naive.. but I'm having a lot to do to protect myself...

I'm sorry...

good night. I hope that next post would be cheerful.

OA

a Different Ghost

As I was saying before i encountered a ghost some time ago. But I managed to get over him and to get over the past it connected me with. Maybe not entirely - but it was enough to stop thinking and talking about it.

Yesterday the ghost struck again - but this time from a different and rather unexpected side. There was another ghost - who reminded me about the first one - and he did it out loud.

and there goes the veil - the metaphor of a ghost goes to a girl whom I loved and who stopped loving me. Happens. But I couldn't get over it for a long time. For too long.

Eventually I did but the bodycount was terrible. 

The second ghost - that's somebody who said: I still remember how it was then.

After six Years... I must have lost it then for real if the damage was so total.

But I'm not going to give up to this ghost either.

Not now.. not ever...

I'm too old for childish plays... or am I.

I'm going to sleep (well). 

Good night

OA